Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Cayden! First Christmas without you down and the rest of my life to go.....
I missed you so much today, but I know you know that. Christmas was not the same without you! Memo and Papa are here visiting. They got us a build a bear for you. He is so cute. Memo knew that was one of the many things we intended to do after we lost you. We wanted to build a bear to put your remains in. Memo got an ornament for our tree too. It is an angel with your name on it. The kids hung it on the tree together last night, it was so nice. There was an emptiness in the home without your presence. Every time I looked at Carter, I wondered what you would be doing if you were here with us. Memo and Papa also got my digital picture frame we have been wanting to put on our Cayden table. I was so excited for it to play all the pictures of you. We put the memory card in it from the hospital right away and within minutes I was crying. I know you are in a better place celebrating Jesus birthday with him and that makes me feel better, but it doesn't make it any easier getting through the day without you. I miss you and want you here with us so badly. I would have taken no presents under our tree to have you here instead. My first Christmas without my baby boy is almost over and if there was anything that I could have done to change it, I would have. There wasn't a second of the day that went by that I wasn't thinking of you, my love. Merry Christmas Cayden Ryan. I love you my baby boy.


  1. haven't forgotten you... still praying! Our babies spent their first Christmas with the King of kings... doesn't stop the pain, I know. love, Stacy

  2. We were so glad we were able to spend Christmas with you and the family.It meant so much to be with all of you..Cayden was always there with us in thought and in our hearts..I am glad you liked the things we got for all of you..Cayden was always right there in my heart when we got them..I miss our little one everyday..It is painful but know he is heaven watching down on us..I miss and love you Cayden..forever,,memo..