It began on August 8th 2009. I went to my first Dr appt (I was approx. 8 weeks) thinking it was going to be a quick heartbeat check and estimate the due date, but boy was I wrong. The Dr said that he wanted to do an ultrasound. I was so excited because with my other two kids I never had an ultrasound done until 20 weeks. I then found out that there was 2 babies. They were fraternal twins and I got to hear both heart beats, it was so amazing. The Dr gave me a few ultrasound pictures on a cd and told me to go home and pop it in the dvd player and don't say anything to anyone...just see if they can figure it out. I couldn't wait though, the second I got home and got out of the car, I told Ryan and the kids.I will never forget how excited Anthony and Alexy were when I told them.
Ok, here comes the part that I don't like to think about. A good friend of mine was an ultrasound tech. She had offered to do a sneak peak after hours one day at the office she worked at. I was now 13 weeks along and she swore that she could tell me the sex of the babies this early. I couldn't wait. We were in the room, talking and laughing and she was taking tons of pictures. She told me that she was 99% sure that they were both boys! All of a sudden she excused herself and said that she would be right back. Well, she didn't return for a long time.....I found out later that she had gone to talk to the Dr she worked for because she noticed baby b's head was not right. They then called my ob to tell him. She then returned to the room and informed me of the finding and told me that she had to take me to my ob's office right away. He was waiting. We arrived at my Ob and he was very upset. We all went into a room and he did an ultrasound to see what he could find while he scolded her for doing the ultrasound when she was not my Dr. He said that he saw what she was talking about, but was not as concerned and that he would get me into the MFM as soon as they could see me. I lost it when I found out that the soonest they could see me was 2 weeks later. My first thought was, how am I going to be able to make it through the next 2 weeks wondering if my baby is ok? I went home and of course turned to Dr google....btw-I do not reccommend this. The things I came across were terrible. I prayed and cried non-stop for the next 2 weeks, thinking that whatever my baby had, he was going to be ok.
On September 14th 2009 my biggest fear became my reality. Ryan and I were at the MFM in the ultrasound room. The tech scanned baby a and said, "he is perfect" then she scanned baby b and said, " I am sorry, but baby b has something called acrania or many call it anencephaly...they go hand and hand. I will go get the Dr in case you have any questions for her. The Dr then came in and said, " I am sorry, but this condition is incompatible with life. Your baby can't live with this. I am sorry, you can speak with the genetic counceler about your options. We were then put in a room where we were given our options:
1) carry both babies to term
2) selective reduction: abort baby b. I was told that they would inject him with something to stop his heart, but I would then have to carry both babies until I went into labor. There was also a 75-90% chance that baby a could miscarry during the procedure.
3) abort baby a and b
Hearing all this tore my heart out. They recommended selective reduction, but I knew there was nothing to be considered. It was not my decision to make. I knew miracles happen everyday and Drs can be wrong. I left feeling like my life was over. I cried the whole ride home.
I tried to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and cherish every second I was given with Cayden.
On February 3rd 2010, I wasn't feeling so good. I was 35 weeks along and I felt so much pressure and knew something wasn't right. My Dr office said they couldn't see me for a week(haha-funny, right) so I went to the ER. They checked me and said that I was 3-4 cm dialated. I couldn't believe it. I wasn't ready (even though I probably never would have been). They said they were going to keep me for an hour and check my progress. An hour later I was almost 6 cm. I was admitted. We were an hour and a half away from home and Ryan was at the mall next to the hospital with the kids waiting to hear from me. (at the time, no children were allowed in the hospital due to the h1n1 and we didn't have anyone to watch the kids for us, so Ryan dropped me off at the hospital and took them to the mall). When I called to tell him, he rushed back home to find someone to watch them.
My labor ended up stopping once I got an epidural and we had to start pitocin around midnight. Carter was born at 3:10am. After a long hard, painful struggle, Cayden was born at 3:43am. He weighed 4 lb 4oz and was so beautiful. I knew the moment that he was placed in my arms that saying goodbye to him was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do. Cayden lived for 64 hrs (almost 3 days). He did everything the Drs said he wouldn't. He took a pacifier, made noises, cried, eat, and we enjoyed every second we were given with him.
On February 6th, we were released from the hospital because the Drs said that Cayden had defied the odds. We arrived home at 4pm. About 30 minutes after we got home, Cayden started having seizures non-stop. I held him in my arms and told him over and over how much I loved him and I told him that it was okay to let go. It was the absolute hardest thing I have ever gone through. I loved that little boy with everything in me and to watch him slowly leave me, hurt so bad that I can't even put into words. At 7pm, Cayden left us to be with the Lord. And with him, he took a huge piece of my heart. Cayden was an amazing little boy and I am so blessed to be his Mom.
