Saturday, January 1, 2011

2010 will forever be in my heart

Hello 2011, good-bye 2010.
I was not ready to say that at all. Last night was harder for me than I thought it would be. It was a big step closer to the 1 year anniversary of the day Cayden was born and left us. It also felt like I was one big step farther away from Cayden.
Although it probably seems like 2010 was the worst year of my life, it wasn't. It was by far the best, but hardest year of my life. I wish I could go back to February 4th 2010. I am so thankful for Cayden. Thankful, that I was chosen to carry him and be his Mom. I never in a million years thought I would have twins to begin with, but to have them and then have to say goodbye to one of them forever seems unimaginable. We have been through so much this past year. It was such happiness and pain all in one. Ryan and I have grown closer as husband and wife and as a family. We have all become stronger through this journey. I have laughed and cried as I tried to get used to my new life.
It was hard getting through the holidays without Cayden here with us, but my heart just ached for him last night. It was like we were turning another chapter in our book. I have faith that in the new year, I will find strength to get through everyday that I have to live without my baby boy. It just seems so unfair.

So, as I say goodbye to 2010, I leave a part of me behind with it and pray for a year filled with love, hope, peace and strength in 2011.

I love you so much Cayden.

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