Wednesday, October 6, 2010

8 months ago today Cayden left my arms to go to a better place. My heart feels so heavy today as I think of so much. Some days are better than others, but today is just not a good day.
Lexy came home from school the other day crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "Mommy, I tried to tell everyone in my class what happened to Cayden and they all laughed and said who cares." At that moment I tried to fight back the tears and give her a hug and tell her how sorry I was. I tried to explain that those kids aren't trying to be mean, they just don't understand. It is so sad that my baby girl has to go through this. A child her age is not supposed to have a worry in the world, but instead she cries all the time asking me why Cayden had to die?
Right now, I am at loss of words...
I came across this poem yesterday and want to share it..

Grief is Like A River

My grief is like a river.
I have to let it flow
But I myself determine
Just where the banks will go.

Some days the current takes me
In waves of guilt and pain,
But there are always quiet pools
Where I can rest again.

I crash on rocks of anger,
My faith seems faint, indeed,
But there are other swimmers
Who know just what I need
Are loving hands to hold me
When the waters are too swift,
And someone kind to listen
When I just seem to drift.

Grief's river is a process
Of relinquishing the past.
By swimming in
Hope's channels
I'll reach the shore at last.

8 months ago today, was the worst day of my life...a part of me was taken that I will never get back! My life will never be the same again...I miss you so much Cayden! Mommy loves you!


  1. Hey Chrissy... I have the same heavy heart for my little girl too - She wrote a letter she wants me to put on our blog soon, so you'll see what I mean, but I just keep going back to what one of the teachers from the school she used to go to said... "she will be a better woman for having walked this road with you" Lexi is learning first hand from you what it means to love unconditionally. She's learning how to walk through pain and be there for your family. She's learning that nothing she could ever do, or not do would make you love her any less because she knows how much you love Cayden. There is nothing easy about this road, but I am so proud of you for walking it - and so is God. Praying for peace for your heart. Love, Stacy