Tuesday, November 16, 2010

hurting for and helping others

Tonight has been a tough night. I was trying to get caught up on some emails when I suddenly came across one that caught my attention. It was a link to a newspaper article about a woman in NC who just recently gave birth to a daughter that had anencephaly. I sat here for the past hour reading article after article and looking at all of these pictures of this beautiful, amazing family. It broke my heart! It also brought back every memory and feeling of that day 9 and 1/2 months ago. When I was told last September that baby b had anencephaly, I had no idea what it was, I couldn't spell it or pronounce it, now I find it hard to believe how many babies are diagnosed with it and how many families I have met who have lost or are losing a baby with anencephaly.

I wish I could tell all of these woman that I have met, befriended online, or read about how amazing they are...they chose to give their baby life and every child deserves that. I know it is every woman's choice and some may not agree with me, but after going through what I did, I couldn't imagine it any other way. I created lifelong memories with Cayden that I will cherish for the rest of my time. I have no regrets with the choice I made. I find peace in offering my support to woman who are now going through what I have been through. It feels so good inside to know that I can help them and answer any questions they may have or just be someone who understands. I have been there and felt how they feel. It can be scary. My heart breaks for all of these families.
I feel that lump in my throat where it feel so hard to swallow...the tears are uncontrollable. I would give anything to have changed what happened in my life(only losing Cayden), but I couldn't change it and I still can't, so I have to grow from it. I was given Cayden for a reason. He has made me a better person and taught me so much about this life. I will continue to miss my baby boy everyday....that will never stop on this side of Heaven, but my goal is to also continue to reach out to other moms going through the hardest decision any mom can make.
I miss you and love you Cayden!

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