Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I was just sitting here tonight holding Carter and I had this urge to go on my blog and listen to all the songs that remind me of my sweet boy, Cayden. As I look at his picture and ashes on the mantle, all I can do is let the tears roll. I don't think that I do that enough and I fear the day that this really hits me. Little Carter has been having some tummy problems lately and has been extra fussy. I wonder sometimes if having his brother here would help him out a little. He must miss his touch. They were together and fighting for space and keeping each other company for 35 long weeks. I heard that when you have twins, you are supposed to let them sleep together cause they comfort each other. So, with that in mind, I must assume that having Cayden here would help Carter in some way. I think we all miss him so much, there are no words to even express the emptiness we all feel. I was holding Carter the other day at my daughters school and had a woman ask me, "can you imagine having two of him?" I was at loss of words. I wanted to scream- yes, I had 2 of him and I would give anything to have two of him again, but instead I just smiled at her. And for some reason, the whole twin thing seems to be haunting me. I see twins everywhere I go and read about twins and it feels so overwhelming sometimes. We are getting ready to go to Cape Cod this weekend and I can't help, but wish Cayden was here to go with us. You'll be their with me in my heart baby boy. Good-night, we love you!!

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