Yesterday wasn't such a good day, lots of sad thoughts and tears. I miss my baby boy so much! My daughter seems to be sad about Cayden a lot these past few days. I think with her Daddy gone- it makes it worse. How can a 5 year old have regrets already? She told me last night that she wishes she hadn't been scared of Cayden and she wishes she would have held him and kissed him in the hospital. It broke my heart! I had one thing I knew before I had Cayden and it was that I didn't want any regrets and I really felt that I did a good job holding true to that after Cayden left us, but it saddens me that my baby girl is having regrets instead.
I also told a friend of mine to never be scared to talk to me about Cayden, he was my child and I am happy when I speak about him. A few days later she came across this poem and sent it to me. The words couldn't be more true! I will share it.
Go ahead and mention my child,
the one that died, you know.
don't worry about hurting me further,
the depth of my pain doesn't show.
don't worry about making me cry,
I am already crying inside.
help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide.
I am hurt when you just keep silent,
pretending he did not exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
knowing that he has been missed.
you ask me how I am doing,
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
but healing is something ongoing,
I feel it will take a lifetime!
Amazing words! I am going to go enjoy this beautiful day that God has given me and think happy thoughts of my baby boy looking down on us. My love to all!